open the door bitch!
[ Expecting a Jong Il Post? Hillary can handle that..
I've got a more pressing problem... ]
Forgive the radio silence but Princess was soaking up all things mobile at the 2009 Wireless Show in Las Vegas last week. I returned completely charged-up about future economy-boosting prospects in technology, healthcare, social media/networking and wireless computing. But my enthusiasm would quickly be replaced by the grim reality of my very local fledgling economy.
Before armageddon descended upon miami’s real estate market, residents could find a variety of ‘features ‘n benies’ in their neighbors: hot, interesting, famous, artsy, eclectic, pumped. These days you’re lucky to just find, well, neighbors.
Property owners are doing anything they can to fill their toxic asset with warm bodies. But at what cost to the remaining occupants?
Last night as I steadlily approached REM, a woman began banging on my door shouting: OPEN THE DOOR – YOU BITCH! Aside from the fact that I’ve not yet friends in my very-long-way-from-being-gentrified hood, I also don’t know anyone who speaks like that (though I encountered a few on the campaign trail in Philly).
Terrified, I reached for my pink taser and ran to the door, which by now felt as if it were about to be kicked in by this … wait a minute … is that a barefoot 20-something female in boxer shorts and a bra through my peephole? Miami’s warm but not that warm!
ME: “OMG – What do you want?” SHE: “Open the door bitch…it’s me.” ME: “WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?” SHE: Oooohhh….(cowering as she bolts next door) Sorry…Wrong Door!
Because my previous neighbor – a lovely couple – was unable to sell their loft, they’ve resorted to renting it to 4 party-all-night trash-talking chics. On any given night there are between 4-15 loud (and lewd) people hanging out 20 feet away from me.
Any suggestions?
If I play hardball by calling the cops, I run the risks of vandalism or worse. So tomorrow I thought I’d attempt to teach the young ladies next door a few pointers in social etiquette. And if that doesn’t work, I’ve got extra sharp pair of stilettos in my closet as back-up!
on April 6th, 2009 at 9:03 am
So sorry Princess. And your instinct is right, do not call the cops on them. Can you contact the owners? I’m sure they don’t want their loft trashed either. I’m sure you’ve already thought of speaking ot them directly but be sure to do it when they’re sober…at least, relatively sober.
I have twenty somethings above me, and though they’re not dangerous, the guys clomp over the stairs at all hours of the night on weekends…and they never met a door they couldn’t slam. Such is life in the city.
on April 6th, 2009 at 10:03 am
good lord. i agree with you bbs. i live in a bit of a frat house myself. usually the “noisemakers” in my building just wake me up in the middle of the night to ask if I have any ice for ‘after-hours.’
on April 6th, 2009 at 10:24 am
great advice gals — but I’ll be hard pressed to find the owners contact information since the condo association hasn’t paid the management company due to owners not paying their maintenance fees due to everything tanking!
I really think a direct charm offensive is best at this point… even when I was in my 20′s I had 2 roommates and we definitely entertained a lot…but we tried to be respectful of our neighbors … (besides … our ‘late night’ parties tended to be of the quieter variety …LOL)
on April 6th, 2009 at 10:30 am
princess, make sure they’re actually paying rent – scores of foreclosed properties in america are being squatted by teen druggies and even affluent neighborhood kids for party venues!
indeed breckgirl…i’ve seen the news stories!
on April 6th, 2009 at 11:03 am
your post is funny but disturbing at the same time…there’s a lot of desperation out there…just be careful when you approach your neighbors.
thx ryan — i agree with the desperation element out there!!
on April 6th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
good 2 see ya back princess
good to be back
on April 6th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
if you do descide to talk to them make sure its in the daylight hours….
good luck
on April 6th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
Princess, try talking to them first, with caution and when they arppear sober, and in daylight as the posters above said. As far as legal responsiblity, the owner of a condo is always responsible for the actions of their tenants, no matter what. The management company, whether they have been paid or not, should give you the owner’s name, address, phone number, so you can deal with the owner directly, but if the management doesn’t do that, and they are not required to, then the management must deal with the owner directly on your behalf. The management company has to at least pass on your request to the owner’s to speak with them.
But no matter what, the owner’s are always responsible for their tenants and the tenants behavior. And if the owner’s owe back condo fees, somebody has undoubtedly kept track of their whereabouts even if its out of the USA. The management company should also start charging fines for noise violations and whatever other infractions they can to owners, that always gets the owners’ attention.
That said, be careful, and if need be, have a friend with you when you approach them. We can count on your charm. If you need more help, don’ hesitate to pull my email address out the system and contact me direct. Good luck, and be careful.
BBS
on April 6th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Soo young – soo much time to party!
Princess, my suggestion is to try the subtle approach. Ring at their door at 7:30 am and tell them with your sweetest smile and an ‘Hola Chicas’ that you have run out of milk for your cappuccino and if they could help you out!
This will hopefully lead to an ohh-did-I -wake-you and I-am-soo-sorry… and i guess we-have-different-life-styles and a subtle when-you-are-partying-i -am-sleeping and would-you-mind-to-turn-it down….well, at least this would work in a perfect world!
Did she look at least look cute in her boxers and bra? Nothing is worth then being yelled at and looking at an eye sore…sort of adding insult to injury
Actually, she could have used some pilates classes LOL – i like your style GA!!
on April 6th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
thanks boogie and back bay
)
on April 6th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
so how did it go princess
they didn’t answer the door – probably sleeping
on April 6th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
hey got to ask.. princess when you were in vegas did you win anything?
I won 46 dollars on slots – a friend asked me to play the million dollar slot machine! I’d say I fell a bit short, eh?
on April 6th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
omg.you poor darling.if that happened to me i.d probable have a heart attack.
good luck.princess and please be careful..we love you..
Foxy – you are a doll!! Thank you – right back atcha!
on April 6th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Ryan the anger element is downtown Boston last week was palpable. I think the economic stress plus the unusually bad winter this year has just driven people over the edge. I’ve lived around the city for decades, including working in some inner city neighborhoods, and I’ve never seen anything like the looks people had on their faces last week.
on April 6th, 2009 at 8:28 pm
hey princess if you try again & nobody answer i guess it’d be safe to say that they’re just going to try and ignore you & they don’t really want to deal with you.. & that might solve your problem right there …you might have gotten your message thou 2 them with out saying word.
yes, it has been suprisingly quiet tonight…but at 11:41pm – this is early for them
on April 7th, 2009 at 12:19 am
princess if it says like this and not much sound out of them.. i think your good 2 go … & hopefully it was a one time deal…
on April 7th, 2009 at 10:31 pm
call the cops and don’t worry about retaliation. see if there are any hoa/condo rules that you can try and sock the owners with (fines, etc.) hopefully, this crowd is under-age, and that is the good news cuz this is something that can be held over their heads…a visit from the cops is scarier when you are under 21 and doing illegal things.
on April 8th, 2009 at 8:35 pm
I have a radical idea. When they are hung over, maybe take them some breakfast or cookies(over there on their property of course and when they are too drunk to move)? This may confuse them. Or maybe I am wrong. Or maybe have the cops drive by once in a while. If you know a policeman, maybe he could come visit, conspicuously.
on April 8th, 2009 at 8:37 pm
I real post #17 after posting mine and I think that might be better. Maybe put some Narcotics Anonymous flyers on their doorstep. I dunno.
on April 27th, 2009 at 12:12 am
love the radical suggestions (and the handle), blondattitude!